Kinship Interview

Kinship Interview



    I decided to interview my father, John Barrios, for my Kinship interview. He knew little about most of his Grandparents since all but his Grandmother Maria Barrios passed away before his first birthday. Except that both Great Grandparents from his mother’s side were born in Germany and both his Grandparents from his Father’s side were born in Mexico. He was incredibly close to his only surviving grandparent, Maria, till the time he was 21 when she passed away. She was a devoted catholic and attended mass every Sunday like clockwork. Not having much money, she lived in a small 1 bedroom house in Los Angeles, CA. Every Saturday she would make an elaborate dinner for her kids and their children. Everyone would pile into the small kitchen and living room to have a feast. He remembers despite her always counting her change, she would have these huge get together. The last handful of years of her life she was unable to host such events. She was like the glue that held the family together. His Father, Ramon Barrios, Aunt Stella and Uncle Albert didn’t have the same family loyalties as his Grandmother did and so no one picked up the Saturday tradition. As soon as she fell ill his Aunt Stella moved her five kids and herself to Fresno, CA and stayed there. By the time he married his wife Theresa Barrios, he knew little about his Aunt and cousins. He knew that she gave birth to two more little girls but soon after the babies were born, the father kidnapped them and fled to Mexico. As far as he knows his Aunt Stella never heard from them again. The rest of his cousins from his Aunts side stayed in trouble always in and out of jail, he decided to follow in his father’s footsteps and sever ties with them. To this day he knows almost nothing about them. He did however stay in touch with his Uncle Albert who had three children all about the same age as him. The oldest cousin being Gary, the middle Linda and the youngest Allen. Despite his grandparents being very religious, His father nor his Uncle raised their children in a setting were Church was required and prayer was said at every meal. His parents worked hard for what they had. His father worked at the DMV and his mother worked for the police department. They gave birth to a son named Dan and five years later gave birth to him. Born in Glendale, CA, he was raised along with most of his family in Los Angeles. He met his future wife in High School when he was only 17. They married when he was 25 and soon after had a son also named John. Three years later they had a daughter and named her Kimberly. By the time his son John was born, His mother and father relocated to Anaheim, CA. He pursued a career as an X-Ray technician and his wife became a Nurse. They raised their children in Los Angeles till his youngest was 21 and the last to move away. Now living in Pine Mountain, CA, he is now retired and his wife is still hard at work as a Nurse. He considered his brother, Dan, to be his best friend. Unfortunately Dan passed away unexpectedly five years ago. Now the only relatives he keeps in contact with are his brother’s children and his Uncle Albert’s kids, Linda, Gary and Allen.

    The Interview went very well. For most of it I felt very comfortable and relaxed up until I started asking questions about his Aunt Stella and her kids. As soon as I showed interest in them he seemed to get angry. Like he was remembering things that he didn’t want to share. The only thing he really said about them was a brief sentence on his cousin Paco stealing something from him and how much he hated him for it. This made me curious about that side of the family but the more I pursued it, the less he was willing to talk. I think that If I wasn’t related to him I would have accepted his unwillingness to tell and moved on. But since he is my father I became angry and protective. I didn’t even know what was taken from him but I wanted to know in hopes that there is something I could maybe do about it.

    I think there is more emphasis on the paternal side only because His mother was an only child and her parents passed away long ago. No traditions were passed down, No Aunts and Uncles or far off cousins were known about. Now as far as his family being larger or smaller, I would have to go with smaller. He does have a large decent group but only considers about half to be his true family. I don’t believe ethnic differences had anything to do with the family’s lack of social interactions. I believe that somewhere along the lines social differences caused the differences. They may share the same blood but that’s it.

    When it comes to my family there are a lot of members that I don’t know. I don’t see my extended family for holiday and never send or receive even a Christmas card. That goes for both my parent’s sides. There are a few cousins that I am close to on my father’s. But there are much more of my cousins that I wouldn’t even recognize on the streets. My mother’s side lives in Michigan and is very religious. My mother growing up never agreed with their religion and because of that tension she left and never looked back. When it comes to the decision maker in my family I would have to say my grandfather on my father’s side. I was only four when he passed away but, whenever he is brought up in a conversation tears are sure to be shed. Being so young I don’t have much memories of him but my older cousin’s talk of him as being like the Godfather.  Surprisingly other than my parents most of my father’s side of the family is single or divorced. But, as for my sister in law and my husband being married into the family they are not treated differently than those of us born into the family. They are showed just as much love by my parents as my brother and me. As far as different attitudes based on gender I would say yes.  That is only really based on memories of my childhood. I remember growing up in Los Angeles my brother was only three years older than me. He was allowed to walk to his friend’s house around the corner by himself at seven years old. I couldn’t wait to have that kind of freedom and after three years when I wanted to go to my friend’s house I was denied because I was only seven. Now looking back I see how ignorant I was. But, I was angry and felt that I was treated unfairly because I was a girl.

    I knew that my family like most has issues. But conducting this Kinship interview really made me look at how much anger and sadness is present.  I hope that in my family’s future there is less hostility. I envy my husband’s family where everyone knows everyone and holidays consist of forty plus over for dinner. At first it was over whelming but now I realize how important family is.